Just call me dusty

I saw. I cut. I sand. I nail. I screw. I saw some more. Repeat. You get the idea.

I live in a whirlwind of sawdust, toolbelt bulging and power tools whining. I AM Home Improvement Man. Grrrr.

Oddly, it seems that although I am busy as a beaver and more handy than Andy from dusk 'til dawn, I still feel unproductive. Either I'm a perfectionist (quite possible), really shit at this stuff (don't think so, but then I'm bragging) or everything just takes a really long time. Five days of working, working, working.

I thought I'd have tons of time. I made long lists of things, just like Greavsie, and was prepared for a reveal to rival Changing Rooms or Extreme Makeover Home Edition when the missus returns.

It'll be more likely that she'll smile sweetly and mumble something along the lines of 'that's really nice dear', while thinking 'that's ALL you did in 5 days ?'.

Better get back to work. I hope my neighbors don't mind the nailgun at this time of night.

Ah, the sweet smell of Freedom

I am alone.

Not completely alone in the cosmic sense, but enough for some good long silence.

The wife and kids have gone South to her Dad's for a week ! I get to stay in the house by myself ! Don't get me wrong - I love her and the little buggers, but as all parents will attest, a week at home by yourself is better than a week in the Caribbean with a horny supermodel (OK, maybe not but it's close).

The DOWNSIDE is that I have a list as long as your arm of 'projects' that should show some progress by weeks end. Still, I can't complain. This is my chance to rebel ! I can leave my dirty laundry on the floor, not pick up my wet towels, leave the toilet seat up (though it may have to go down for #2's), have TWO beers with dinner (which, of course ,will be microwaved and unhealthy), stay up late, get up late, blog all night (ok, not that one) and watch anything I want on TV.

I'll be working my butt off and will be worn out every evening which cuts down on the carousing somewhat, but I'll do my best. Wish me luck !

Flagging

One of the things you'll notice about living in the US, is that people are much more attached to their flags. I can't remember anyone I knew growing up in England that flew the Union Jack. You'd see it on bunting, and boxer shorts and even carried by some streaker at a Test Match, but not often on an actual pole.

I personally think this is an oversight, and I can think of no better time to show your colors than right NOW. With no disrespect to my 'host' nation, I removed the 'Stars and Stripes', folded them neatly and raised the good old Union Jack on my modest little porch flagpole.

After 9/11, stores sold out of American flags, and flying ours seemed like such a statement. When you think about it, many have died defending our right to raise our colors and declare our freedom each and every day. Shouldn't we use it ?

I'd like to start a movement to Fly The Flag. Maybe JonnyB can write a song for this cause, too. While we're at it, let's sing the National Anthem, too.

Wet T-Shirt (followup post)

See ? You mock the weather forecast, and it comes true. Maybe that's what Native Americans did with Rain Dancing. It was all a big mocking thing. Then, just to show you who's boss, it rains.

Now I have a wet T-Shirt. There was a 60% chance of that.

The Whether here is just awful

What IS it with the weather ? More particularly, weather forecasters.

I choose to read my weather from the U.S Government's own web site which is, I like to tell myself, the thinking man's weather site. No ads for allergy medication, timeshares or mortgage refinancing. No pop ups for Pest Control, or Dell Computer. Not too much in the way of reliable weather forecasting, either.

For the last 5 days or so, we've had a 60% chance of 'severe thunderstorms' featuring 'heavy rain, hail and damaging winds'. It has rained barely more than a drop. I'd like to know the psuedo scientific means behind the '60%'. Do they think it's slightly better than 50/50, so 60 is about right. Are there dice involved ? A magic 8 ball ?

I think it's worse when it's shitty hot with no end in sight. At this point, you want the weather people to just MAKE it get cooler. Don't they have some giant satellite thingy that can do that ? What do we spend all of our tax dollars on, anyway ?

But still, you'd think with their orbiting weather platforms, doppler radar, computer simulations, global weather models etc. etc. that they could predict, with somewhat more than 60% certainty that it will rain TODAY. Not tomorrow, or next week, just today. That's all I ask. Don't give me false hope.

Meanwhile, we suffer in misery and I await the approach of a particularly hazardous storm from the east. I'm riding the odds, though.

I left my car windows open.

Feeling Exposed

It's not normally what you expect in the locker room at the sports center.

The back pack was ticking.

I don't mean a tiny, barely audible little tick, I mean a big loud 'LISTEN TO ME' tick.

It certainly got my attention.

Now, I don't live in a Town that you'd consider a target for anything, except maybe the occasional random nutter amped up on Budweiser, so rationally I told myself that it couldn't be a danger.

But still, we live in a different world now. We have a new 'normal'. I asked the front desk person to check it out. He listened, too, and agreed that it was a bit suspicious but thought that he knew whose backpack it was. We pondered what could possibly be the source of such a noise, and gave the bag a good hard stare. Neither one of us wanted to open it.

He went off to find the possible culprit, leaving me alone with the ticking bag.

Somehow, standing NAKED next to a potential explosive device is even worse than being fully clothed. More exposed, so to speak. Quite irrational, really. What's a pair of trousers and a t-shirt going to do anyway ? Deflect the blast ?

Eventually, the sheepish owner returned, and retrieved his WALKMAN (remember tape players anyone ?) that was clicking (or ticking) because it got stuck or had two buttons pressed down in his bag or something. Idiot. BUY AN IPOD !

So, that was my little bit of excitement yesterday. We live in a world where just about anywhere is an imaginable target, and it doesn't seem to matter anymore that you live far from the madding crowd.

Gone, but not forgotten

Being an Englishman abroad, one becomes disconnected from the everyday of life 'back home'. What has been nice about Blogland has been the ability to take a peek into the lives of those who, had my life taken a different road, would have been me. I have been able to see and hear about the little things that normally have slipped through the cracks of my memories. In some ways, it's allowed me to identify more with a place I haven't called home in over a decade.

Yesterday's horrific events made me very angry, but also very proud of England. Her unshakable resolve and stoic attitude to adversity, and the compassion of Her people.

I lived about 40 miles outside of New York City on 9/11. Far enough away that I went there only when I had to, but close enough that we could see the smoke down the Long Island Sound. The sense of fear, though, was palpable for days after the attacks. It took a while to feel like you weren't walking around in a fog.

In this case, I'm very far away and can see and hear only what is on TV. My family lives far from London, in Suffolk. I feel it somehow more deeply - while it is equally as tragic and incomparably horrifc - because it was an attack on what I hold deep down in my heart to be 'home'.

God Bless all who perished yesterday, their families and loved ones. God Bless all the people who have the courage to stand up against the dark tide of Evil. God Bless Great Britain.

Well done, London.

Jolly well done to Lord Coe, Becks and Blair for bringing home the bacon. Makes me proud that the Olympics will be coming to Old London Town. There's a big tent that didn't get much use during the millenium that might be of some use.

Of course, I'd like to think that Chirac being a smug bugger about French food and French contributions to Europe had something to do with France getting passed over. There's nothing better than getting one over on our cousins across the channel.

I'm going to suggest - put it out there, if you will - that someone consider bidding to host the Tour De France. I mean, the French have had it for a bloody long time and now it's someone else's turn. How about Poland ? Sweden ? Bulgaria ? Plenty of nations in Europe with lots of old buildings, good wine and bicycles. In the spirit of goodwill, maybe it's time for the Tour D'Iraq ?

Independence

For those non-US readers, yesterday was Independence Day here in the US. As I'm sure you all know, it's when they celebrate kicking us (the British) out all those years ago. Kind of like how we celebrate the burning of Catholics on Guy Fawkes' Day. Lots of barbecues, fireworks and red white and blue.

I must confess though, that it's a little bit better than Bonfire Night because it happens in JULY and not in NOVEMBER. Shorts and t-shirts are the suggested party wear, as opposed to several jumpers and a hat.

Another common tradition is the 4th of July race. Our town has a 7.2 miler, and I'm pleased to say that despite a chronic lack of training, I managed to complete it in a semi-decent time. Yeah me ! Starting the day out that way assuages some of the guilt felt later when downing several burgers and quantities of beer. My daughter (4) completed her first kid's fun run today. She got a medal, a flag AND a ribbon. Way to go !

I sometimes wonder what the world would be like now if the UK was still the pre-eminent super power and not the US. Sometimes it boggles my mind that our Empire ever grew so big. How on earth did we do it ? For those interested in the last remnants of this straggly collection of colonies, check out Simon Winchester's book 'Outposts'. It details some of the last Crown Colonies that can still be called that in this day and age. Who knew ? Rule Britannia !