Flies

I hate flies.

I'm sure that they have some valid role to play in the ecosystem, but quite frankly they are not welcome in my house.

Not that I'm infested with them at this point (although, we did have Cluster Flies in the attic a few years ago), just that even a single fly can really PISS ME OFF.

I'll confess I'm no entomologist, but I swear that they have an innate intelligence and the ability to determine what would annoy humans the most. Sitting on the couch, a fly can combine the annoying 'round the head' flight path with periods of 'sitting on the TV screen' (are they watching it ?). To demonstrate their complete mastery of the 'head game', the minute you reach boiling point and jump up, magazine in hand - they disappear. Seated once again, they're at it in no time.

My kids (really my wife, but they presented it to me with great fanfare) recently bought me an old fashioned fly swatter. You'd think that given today's modern technologies and sprays these things would be obsolete, but let me tell you this - it ROCKS ! Think of it as the stealth weapon in your fly killing arsenal. Whereas flies can sense the approach of a folded magazine, cupped hand or other swatter - they're oblivious to this thing. THWACK ! Dead Fly. THWACK ! 2-0. THWACK ! Die, damn fly.

It's a satisfying thing, killing such a tiny but annoying bug. I feel all manly, like I'm safeguarding my family from peril. Probably what a caveman felt like after taking down a rabid mastodon.